


confessions

by bluecalicocat



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Body Image, Chatting & Messaging, Eating Disorders, Established Relationship, Getting Help, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Polyamory, Recovery, Sad Han Jisung | Han, Self-Esteem Issues, Texting, Weight Issues, bluesung, but not a text fic, in the end at least, jilix are drunk in ch 1, the first chapter is their gc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22734418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluecalicocat/pseuds/bluecalicocat
Summary: jisung gets drunk and accidentally comes clean about his bodily insecurities and mental health issues to the other members through a group chat, of all things
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han, Han Jisung | Han/Everyone, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Kim Seungmin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin, Han Jisung | Han/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 22
Kudos: 599





	1. first part

[chan and his seven babies]

**jisung**  
aaaaaaaa  
thas so weidr  
omg hahsgdjdgsfga

 **jeongin**  
uuh,..

**chan**  
jisung, what's going on?

**seungmin**  
are you drunk

**jisung**  
an what abuot ti??????

**minho**  
ok he's definitely drunk

**jisung**  
AAAAAAAAAAA  
lololol  
but its tso weiiiiiridrd

**minho**  
what's weird, jisungie?

**jisung**  
like  
its liek, THERE, yknow?

**changbin**  
what's there?

**jisung**  
yknow  
me  
i exisst  
in lieek aa phsyialcl form yknow?  
lik i haveew this shpae that is me that oter pejuolple can seee an its reayllly weidrd

**jeongin**  
what do u mean it's weird?  
everyone has a body

**jisung**  
u dont''' getit  
cauese u likee youer body

**chan**  
are you saying you don't like yours?

**jisung**  
ahahhahahahha

**chan**  
is that a yes or a no

**jisung**  
ooooh  
i dint thikn itwas a qeutstion  
of couarsee

**seungmin**  
is that an "of course i like my body" or more like a general "of course"

**jisung**  
what the fuuuuuck

**changbin**  
of course that's his first sentence without a typo

**jisung**  
i meaeant of cuaorse i dont laieke my body haahahaha  
no no no  
no likey body tiihihiihihihi

**changbin**  
...

**chan**  
he's drunk, we should wait until tomorrow to deal with this  
also where is felix? weren't they out together?

**jisung**  
flexi  
more liké BITCH

**chan**  
dont call people names  
why are you calling him bitch?

**jisung**  
bcase thta BITCH leaved me :((((((((((((  
look im so saadh :((((((((((((((((

**changbin**  
jisungie, where are you?

**jeongin**  
and where is felix?

**jisung**  
im aolone :(  
and fexil s goign hoem

**chan**  
where are you alone? where did he leave you?

**jisung**  
on tihs fackign benhc in ths fffuckin park  
park  
park jimni  
thats a person  
ahahhahahhahahhahaha

**minho**  
i think i know which park he's talking about  
sungie, stay where you are, i'm picking you up

**jisung**  
oooh

**minho**  
i'll be there in ten

**jisung**  
yare rly pickig me up  
thas weird

**changbin**  
oh yes, it's so weird that we care about you when we're literally your boyfriends :)

**jisung**  
sounds fke but ok

**chan**  
the part about us caring about you or the part about us being your boyfriends?

**jeongin**  
probably both

**jisung**  
bothe

**jeongin**  
called it

**seungmin**  
why is it so unbelievable that we care about you?

**jisung**  
i geesssu  
geuss  
guss  
gueesss  
juts becus im me, yknow  
an u guays r u

**seungmin**  
is that meant to say guys or gays?

**jeongin**  
either one works tbh

**jisung**  
aand its liek we com from difenrent wourdls  
where u guays aare at thte top and iam at the bottotm

**chan**  
jisungie...  
That's not true

**jisung**  
lol huauang ure funny  
is sjust that im kidnof mena

**seungmin**  
translation please

**jeongin**  
"it's just that I'm kind of mean"

**changbin**  
What do you mean?

**chan**  
you're not mean! you always care for us

**jisung**  
i mena im mean to me  
u know  
mean to mmyself  
an then im sadf because i think mean thibgs and its rlaly hurrful :(  
i make me so asad :(

**chan**  
jisungie, do you want to talk when you get home?

**jisung**  
oooh sos addeh  
no talkkgn  
shhh dont gonan tell my sevret

**seungmin**  
what's your secret?

**jisung**  
shhh dont tell anyoen

**seungmin**  
i won't tell anyone sungie, i promise

**jisung**  
okaya  
shhhh i havent had dinenr

**changbin**  
WHAT  
It's 11 pm, why haven't you had dinner?

**jisung**  
or lucnhr  
... shhhchh dont tell them

**changbin**  
did you have breakfast at least?

**jisung**  
...  
i maybhave had an apllep??

**jeongin**  
did you or did you not?

**jisung**  
ok i had hafl of an aplle

**chan**  
And that's all you've eaten this whole day?!  
how are you still standing?

**jisung**  
im lirelaly not???  
im siitng down on thsi bench :)

**chan**  
why, baby?

**jisung**  
cause i don wanan stand uP

**seungmin**  
i think hyung meant to ask why you haven't eaten?

**jisung**  
ooh  
i meamn, i just dont weant to eat  
ili eke ::::::::::::::::))

**chan**  
jisungie honey, why don't you wanna eat?

**jisung**  
i liek beign hunry i guesss  
can u be adixted to felings?? i think im adicted to being hugry  
i hate fbeing full. dont wanna do taht. being hungry iso muc better even thuhg it hurts  
but i gues i t doesnt matter cuase loking in the miror hurts much more lol

**chan**  
oh baby  
thank you for telling us that  
we'll talk more when you aren't drunk, okay?

**jisung**  
oakya :)):):)

**minho**  
just got to the park  
i think i see you

**jisung**  
wahahahaaaaah  
hyungngg :(((

**minho**  
we'll be back home in 10

**jeongin**  
felix just called seungmin hyung so we're gonna go meet him  
apparently he got an uber

**chan**  
okay  
and just for the record, that talking thing includes everyone, okay?  
we'll talk tomorrow

**changbin**  
first thing in the morning

**minho**  
maybe not the first thing, cause like...  
i think these two need a few decades worth of rest before anything  
if felix is in any similar state as jisungie rn, at least

**chan**  
yeah, you're right  
sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!  
> fyi, the next chapter won't be texting and that's where the recovery/comfort comes in :)


	2. second part

jisung wakes up disoriented and with a headache.

it takes several minutes from the point when he notices that he's awake up until he actually manages to force his eyelids open. at least the room is dark when he does.

it takes several more minutes of him trying to recall what happened the previous day before the memories resurface, and he freezes.

no, no, no... did he really say all those things in their group chat? maybe it was just a dream. however, a creeping sensation tells him that it wasn't, and he actually told them the truth.

he lets out a slow sigh, trying to come to terms with how he feels about this. is he tired of always struggling to eat, of how much it hurts to see himself in the mirror? yes. but, is he ready to share all those struggles with his boyfriends, put it out in the open for them to see and judge him for?

that's a bit harder to answer, because he genuinely doesn't know. his mind tells him that they wouldn't judge him for it, and that they would all want to help him get better and be there for him, but his anxiety doesn't agree. he knows that logically they wouldn't hate him. they would be worried, sure, but they wouldn't hate him and they wouldn't kick him out or anything like that. he still feels hesitant about sharing it with them.

but, they already know. they've already been made aware of his issues, thanks to jisung's drunk self, who could apparently realize that his mental health had deteriorated enough to require actual help.

acknowledging and accepting that are two very different things, though.

-

he asks chan if they can all talk together before the older even has time to ask how he's feeling. chan clearly agrees that they should talk, but he makes sure to mention that jisung doesn't have to feel pressured about explaining what he said last night, that it would be okay if he needs a little time to think about it.

jisung decides that he's had enough of just thinking about it, and ensures his hyung that he wants to talk.

which is why he's currently sitting on the couch in their living room, surrounded by his seven boyfriends, all of them waiting for him to start talking. if he knew how to, he probably would have already, but he really doesn't.

jisung looks at chan for help and is incredibly thankful that the older knows how to interpret his gaze.

"it's okay", chan says about nothing in particular. "we'll help. do you want me to ask questions?"

jisung nods.

"okay. you said last night that you hadn't eaten the entire day. why?"

chan's voice is gentle, despite there being an obvious hint of urgency that probably comes from his concern and worry for the younger.

jisung looks down at his hands.

"it's like i said. i don't... like..." he finds that it's surprisingly hard to speak the words out loud, even though he knows exactly what it is he wants to say. "my body. i don't like my body."

he thinks he's probably speaking too fast and too low, but no one asks him to repeat himself, which is relieving. jisung isn't sure if he would have been able to say it again.

"for how long have you been... not eating?" changbin asks from his spot on the floor.

"two months, i think. maybe three."

jisung still won't look up from his hands as he plays with his fingers anxiously, but at least no one is speaking harshly to him, and that calms his nerves slightly. he still hates that this conversation is happening in the first place, but maybe it'll be good for him. 

"do you think... do you want to get help?"

it's very clear that chan wants him to say yes to this. jisung finally looks away from his hands, turning his eyes to the blond on the floor. it's the same question he's been asking himself since he woke up this morning, whether or not he actually wants help to be able to eat again.

he doesn't really want to eat, doesn't want to stop what he's doing now. at the same time, he would love to be at peace with what he sees in the mirror and to not freak out over how many calories there are in things.

in the end, he nods at chan's question. it makes the rest of them smile.

-

jisung ends up going to a therapist, and learns that recovery is a lot harder than it sounds.

he asks minho to go with him to his first appointment, something the boy is quick to agree to. the dancer had honestly been expecting jisung to ask chan, but definitely doesn't mind when he's the one the younger wants there with him.

several decision are made during that appointment, plans to get him back to healthier eating habits, though jisung refuses a meal plan by saying that it would stress him out too much. they respect that. though, minho and the therapist agree that it would be best if someone was with him during meals, something jisung thinks they might be right about and ultimately agrees with.

minho also gets to hear some of jisung's realest thoughts during that session. he's technically talking to the therapist, but they both know that it's also jisung's way of letting minho in on how he's truly feeling.

the boy is very grateful that everyone seems to be accepting of the fact that recovery takes time, and that he won't be able to jump straight back into eating three normal-sized meals a day. every single one of his boyfriends understands and supports him through it.

-

sometimes, breakfast is the easiest meal. when he's just woken up and is too tired to question or overthink what he's eating, it's easy to just sit down and let someone (usually chan or hyunjin) put food in front of him. jisung generally hates having to decide what to eat, since the conclusion he often comes to when thinking about it is that he doesn't want to eat. it's better when others make the decision for him.

other times, breakfast is not as effortless. on the days when he wakes up and can't even look at himself in the mirror, his head spinning with words like _ugly, fat, worthless, unloveable_ , heading out into the kitchen to eat is the last thing he wants to do.

it's not hard for the others to tell when jisung is having one of those days. at first, they didn't know how to deal with it, and that resulted in jisung bursting into tears at the kitchen table as chan tried to coax him into eating. they learned from that incident.

hyunjin will sit down with him in the living room instead of the kitchen and hand jisung a smaller portion than usual. they'll turn on the tv or put on a playlist, while hyunjin talks about whatever comes across his mind, trying to distract the younger from everything else on his mind at the moment. for jisung, it's easier to eat when no one is looking at him, so sitting next to each other on the couch instead of opposite one another by a table helps a lot.

the one thing hyunjin doesn't mention is food, and he never tells jisung that he has to eat or how much he should eat. he lets the younger do it by himself and simply stays with him as he does. when jisung has eaten as much as he can, they tend to end up cuddling. it's really nice.

one of the days when jisung is cuddling with hyunjin on the couch, jeongin approaches him shyly, holding out a paper that he's been fiddling with for the past few minutes. when jisung turns to him, he holds it out with a small smile. jisung sits up a bit straighter and takes it from him.

"i made a meal plan for you, hyung."

jisung is kinda suspicious of this, but still looks at the note to read what the younger has written on it. he's not sure what to expect. they know that he doesn't want a meal plan, but at the same time, he doesn't believe that's what their maknae has actually done.

he reads it.

_"sungie hyung's meal plan ^o^_

_week - every week_

_monday through sunday: Just Try Your Best <3 your best is good enough <3 just try <3 eating a little is better than nothing <3 i love you hyung <3"_

it's adorable, and almost makes jisung cry. okay, scratch that. it definitely makes him cry. he's so grateful that he has these people in his life, so incredibly grateful. even his bad days aren't as bleak anymore. that's not saying it's suddenly easy to deal with, because it's not, and it's taking him a lot of hard work to get better, but their support does help. a lot.

he hopes it shows in the way he hugs hyunjin tighter, and pulls jeongin down on the couch with them. the maknae doesn't even protest when he does it, simply accepts that this is his way of showing how much he appreciates them.

jisung smiles.


	3. third part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhah i promise i didn't forget about this story, i just completely lacked inspiration and could not write properly for the longest time, but it's done now and i don't think i hate it! yay!  
> hope you enjoy <3

it's a few weeks later, and jisung can practically feel himself shutting down. sure, therapy is good and all, but that doesn't mean he suddenly likes to talk about his feelings, and his own reactions to when people ask him things are sometimes unpredictable.

right now, jisung is shutting himself off because minho asked him how he's feeling. a completely normal question, but when he asked, jisung had been in the middle of trying to suppress any thoughts about how this seems like it's going to be a bad day. the question made him realize that he's not feeling well, and now he can't stop thinking.

he stares at the wall of his bedroom without paying any attention to it, too caught up in his own head to notice his surroundings.

"jisungie, you wanna go with me to the studio?" changbin appears in the doorway, looking at jisung expectantly. and why not? the boy shrugs and agrees.

he's not sure if changbin can tell how off he's feeling, but it must be pretty obvious, considering he's been staring at a wall and doesn't even bother with a verbal reply. he hopes he won't bring changbin's mood down too much.

jisung finally gets out of bed and prepares to go with changbin to the studio.

they don't talk a lot during the walk there, jisung getting stuck in his own head again and changbin probably thinking about the songs they'll be working on. the walk isn't long, but it still manages to pass by way too quickly. jisung thinks he barely has time to take a deep breath before changbin is unlocking the door to the producing studio and they're stepping inside.

they both throw their bags on the couch before changbin turns to the younger.

"do you wanna work on a track or write lyrics? i had some lyric ideas, so i think i'm gonna do that..." changbin trails off as he turns to look around the studio, probably trying to spot the black notebook that he normally uses to write in.

"i'm gonna produce", jisung says, because it's the only thing he thinks he can do at the moment.

it's much easier to think about what instruments to add or what notes the bass should play than it is to work on words right now, because writing lyrics would mean that he has time to consider how he's truly feeling, which he definitely does not want to do. producing and recording will let him focus on other things.

changbin nods, seeming distracted with trying to locate his notebook. jisung walks to the computer and pulls out the chair, snickering slightly to himself when he notices the black book lying on the seat. he picks it up and turns around.

"hyung." changbin looks at him, then he sees the notebook in his hand.

"oh, thank you!" the older exclaims before taking it from him and going to sit on the couch.

jisung himself sits down in front of the computer and opens up a project he's already gotten started on. so far, he's not sure what exactly it's going to become, but it sounds pretty cool. he'll most likely have to use some deep and emotional lyrics for this one, since that's what would fit this track the best. even just the instrumental sounds like it's an emotional song.

-

working is a great excuse not to eat. at least it used to be, back when people weren't paying attention to how well jisung was looking after himself. now, he can't skip a meal without it being noticed by seven other people. he appreciates their attempts at not making their concern feel suffocating, but some days, he feels suffocated just by people looking at him. it's really not their fault.

jisung is completely focused on adding just enough delay to the region he's currently working on when someone takes the headphones off of him, effectively interrupting his work flow. he casts a quick glance at the time on screen and realizes that they've been here for three hours already, before turning around to see what changbin wants.

instead, he's faced with chan's grinning face as the older holds the headphones right above his head where he just pulled them off.

"hey maknae", chan greets, reaching to put the headphones on the table in front of jisung. the boy in question scrunches his nose and disagrees.

"i'm not the maknae", jisung protests, but the older simply shrugs.

"you're the youngest in 3racha, so yeah, you kind of are."

the boy is about to say something else, but then he seems to decide that it's not actually an important discussion and drops it. he glances around the studio and spots changbin, now having put down the notebook. it doesn't seem like chan is about to join them and keep working. more like they're about to take a break.

jisung does not want to take a break. a break means time to think, and time to think means going further into feeling empty in the way he's been feeling ever since this morning. he can't do that.

however, _'i want to avoid my feelings'_ is probably not a valid excuse to keep working and not take a break, at least not in the eyes of his hyungs. jisung is aware of that much. he doesn't know what to tell them, though.

"so, we were thinking about taking a break and ordering some food", changbin finally says, confirming jisung's suspicions at the same time as it makes his insides squirm. the thought of food right now is simultaneously appealing, since he's hungry, but also entirely revolting. it's funny how those two reactions can coexist in a situation like this.

he feels both of their eyes on him and realizes that they're trying to determine how he feels about eating today. the knowledge that they're watching him makes him more keen on keeping his inner thoughts to himself.

"yeah", jisung says out loud, "sounds good."

the expression on chan's face is suspicious, but he still goes to get his phone and order for them. while the oldest does that, changbin keeps glancing at jisung as if he's about to say something, and jisung both wants to know what it is while also not really wanting to talk.

"ji", changbin finally speaks up, and the youngest turns to him just as chan starts giving their orders on the phone.

"yeah?"

he looks at his hyung.

"you don't... it's okay to not want to talk, you know? but i'm sorry if you did want to talk. earlier, i mean, when i came into your room." jisung's not entirely sure what he wants to say with this, but nods nonetheless. "maybe i should have asked how you were feeling, or if you wanted to talk..."

"why did you ask me to come to the studio then?" he asks.

"i don't know, but it seemed like you could use a distraction. i didn't know what was wrong so i just thought that if you wanted to talk, we could do it here in the studio."

jisung smiles. he'd had no idea that changbin was trying so hard to figure out how to approach him, but is glad that the older hadn't asked him about his emotions and instead chose to invite him to the studio.

"i didn't really wanna talk this morning", he admits. "and i really needed a distraction. still kinda do, to be honest..."

he trails off, still not liking to tell people how he's feeling, but changbin just shared how he's been trying to support him today, so being honest feels like the right thing to do.

as he's talking to changbin, he misses the moment chan hangs up and turns to the two younger boys, walking back over to them. they don't notice him until he speaks.

"a distraction?" chan says, having caught the last part of their conversation. "would it help if we put on some show, or some music in the background while we eat?"

jisung considers for a second before nodding. he feels bad about eating, but presumes that he'll be able to do it as long as he doesn't think about it too much. for a moment, he wishes there was some way to instantly solve all his problems, some magical cure, but then the moment passes and he tunes back in to the ongoing conversation.

they don't talk about the obvious problem, because there's no need to. instead they discuss changbin's new lyrics, and how jisung's track is coming along.

jisung has a surprisingly okay day, all things considered. who would've thought it had started on such a bad note?

-

even though he doesn't like to talk about his feelings most of the time, there are some rare moments when jisung feels like he actually kind of needs it, and there's one person he prefers going to, at least when it comes to these things.

felix is sitting on his bed and playing a game on his phone when jisung enters the room. the slightly younger boy doesn't look up, but he does move aside to give jisung space to sit down next to him.

jisung sits and simply watches as felix plays for several minutes. he doesn't recognize the game and doesn't understand what the goal of it is, but it's calming to watch, anyway.

he decides to speak up after a few more minutes.

"i feel bad."

jisung's voice isn't loud, but felix immediately exits the game and puts his phone away. not in a hurried manner, but in a way that makes it very clear that jisung has his full, undivided attention. ready to listen.

as jisung scoots closer to felix, the one day younger boy takes this as his cue to put his arm around the other and pull him closer. it's comforting.

"what's up?" he asks softly.

jisung resists the urge to snuggle into the comfy sweater felix is wearing and never resurface again, instead keeping his face up so that the other will be able to hear him speak.

"i've gained weight and i know that i should be okay with it, since i'm just getting up to a healthy weight or whatever, but i'm not."

felix hums to show that he's listening, though he senses that jisung has more to say.

"and then i feel bad about feeling bad about myself, because i know i shouldn't feel bad about being healthy, but it's just... i dunno. i don't wanna hate myself, but i also don't wanna gain weight. i dunno. it's confusing."

felix plays with the hem of jisung's shirt as he replies.

"you know we love you at any size, right?"

it's small, but jisung nods.

"your eating disorder isn't part of your identity, you won't loose anything by gaining weight. you're only changing physically. no one else will think different of you for it."

his voice is very gentle as he speaks, and he never moves away from jisung. the skin contact is almost as comforting as his words.

"i wouldn't love any of you guys any less if you gained weight", jisung mumbles as he leans his head on felix's shoulder.

"exactly!" felix smiles. "do you think you can try to take that mindset and think about yourself the same way?"

the other boy shrugs.

"i can try to."

"that's good. and also, you don't have to feel great about yourself all the time. i mean, it's good when you do, but it's okay to struggle."

jisung smiles.

"thanks, lix. i love you."

"i love you too, sungie."

they sit in a comfortable silence for several minutes, the only sounds being their breathing amd the occasional rustling of sheets when they move around a bit.

"i wanna dye my hair blue", jisung suddenly says. when felix lifts his head to stare at him, jisung gives a hesitant smile. he has half a mind to backtrack and say that it's just a joke, but it's not. "yeaah... i mean, i wanna do something different. i don't want the only thing i see when i look at my own reflection to be my body, so that's why i wanna dye my hair. and also because it's cool and i like blue."

-

when they venture out from felix's room to find someone to rope into their mission, they come across seungmin, who's sitting on the couch and chilling. he looks up when they enter and immediately shakes his head.

"nope. no way."

felix looks offended at his quick dismissal of them.

"what do you mean, no? we haven't even asked you anything yet!"

"the expressions of your faces are enough. i'm saying no."

"but i wanna dye my hair blue!" jisung whines, and at this, seungmin gives him a curious look. that statement apparently got his attention.

"you what now?" seungmin wonders, though he doesn't sound as annoyed anymore.

jisung gives a hesitant smiles.

"i'm gonna dye my hair blue?" he repeats, though it sounds more like a question this time. "and we thought you could help! if you want to, that is."

when he doesn't answer immediately, the two near twins start to think that maybe he'll still say no, but then seungmin opens his mouth again.

"sure, why not? i mean, i can't let you two turn the entire bathroom blue. someone better help you keep that mess contained."

both jisung and felix beam at him.

-

when the rest of the group comes home from their trip to the grocery store, the apartment is surprisingly quiet. there's no one in the living room when hyunjin peeks his head in there, and the kitchen is empty when minho and changbin head in there to put away the groceries.

jeongin casts a glance toward the bedrooms and sees that all the doors are open, but it doesn't seem like anyone is in there.

"where are they?" chan questions as he enters the kitchen to help the younger ones with putting the food away.

"you shouldn't trust those three alone together", changbin comments, his voice surprisingly bright. "the september squad is… well, something else."

before chan can reply, hyunjin and jeongin step into the kitchen.

"all the rooms are empty, but the door to the bathroom is closed and the water is running", hyunjin informs as he jumps up to take a seat on the counter.

"they're taking a shower?" minho questions while struggling to carry three different bags of fruit. chan holds out a hand to help him. "all three of them?"

"i dunno, we just heard the water running", jeongin answers.

it takes a few more minutes for them to get all the groceries to the right place, and once they're done, chan decides to go check up on the three missing boys. just like hyunjin said, you can hear the sound of the shower through the door, but almost as soon as chan gets there, it turns off. maybe they're finished.

"ohmygosh, it looks great!" he hears felix exclaim from inside the bathroom. that has chan raising his eyebrows.

the oldest knocks on the door quickly, hoping that he's not interrupting something.

"yeah?" seungmin replies.

"just checking to see what you're doing in there", chan raises his voice slightly to make sure they can hear him.

"oh", felix says. "uh, yeah, we'll be out in, like, two minutes!"

that does not answer chan's question, and he can feel his suspicion growing, but still shouts an 'alright' before retreating to the living room, where the rest of the boys have now settled down.

they're all sitting together while doing their own things. jeongin is listening to music, hyunjin and minho are on their phones, while changbin is scribbling in a notebook.

chan sits down next to them and takes his own phone up to play some games as he waits for the other three to get here. he's a bit suspicious as to what they've been doing, but they sounded normal, so it can't be too bad. right…?

by the time the bathroom door opens, chan is completely emerged in his game and misses the sound of it, but a movement from the opening to the living room has him raising his head.

felix and seungmin are standing shoulder to shoulder in the doorway, blocking the view of whatever is behind there. the older of the two clears his throat before saying,

"may we have your attention, please."

the few of the boys in the living room who weren't already looking at him turn their heads up at this. felix grins.

"we now present to you, bluesung!"

he steps aside just as jisung's voice can be heard muttering, "oh my god, you guys are way too dramatic, let me live in peace..."

they've barely had time to properly see him before hyunjin is screeching,

"ohmygosh, your hair is _blue!_ "

and yeah, it is. the boy in question is touching his hair nervously as he shoots them all a hesitant smile, waiting for everyone to react to this transformation. his hair is blue. to be honest, it looks really freaking good on him, and it's kind of hard to find any words better than "wow ohmygosh it looks so good!" (which is why that's exactly what chan says out loud. oops).

"waah, i love it!" jeongin exclaims as he bounces off the couch, walking up to jisung, as well as the other two september boys by correlation, since they still haven't moved from where they're standing on either side of him like two teddybear-versions of bodyguards (in other words they're not threatening enough to be bodyguards).

jisung's smile turns more genuine at this.

"thanks innie!"

everyone else is quick to join them and compliment jisung on his new hair color, and in that moment, he feels really good about himself for the first time in a while. small things make a difference, and maybe things really do get better.

it's weird to think that this started with him and felix getting drunk, but he doesn't regret it one bit. he's still going to struggle, but he'll make it through, and that's what makes everything worth it.

someone reaches out to ruffle his hair, and then someone else's hand follows, wanting to feel it too, and jisung laughs.


End file.
